The Best Mr. Mackey Quotes From 'South Park'

Updated March 5, 2020 24 items

Ranked By

952 votes

251 voters

It's time to rank the best Mr. Mackey quotes, m'kay. When the kids at South Park Elementary need some guidance, they head over to Mr. Mackey. He may not always impart the greatest wisdom, but he's always good for a laugh or two. He's had a long tenure on South Park and is perhaps best known for his catchphrase, "M'kay." However, there are plenty of funny Mr. Mackey quotes to enjoy whether you're a long-time fan or just got interested in the show.

With Mr. Mackey around, it's no wonder the kids around South Park just can't ever seem to behave. For this list, we've gathered every piece of advice Mr. Mackey has had to offer. Now, it's up to you to vote for the best Mr. Mackey quotes, m'kay.

Photo: Comedy Central
1
126 VOTES
Drugs Are Bad
Mr. Mackey: Umm... Drugs are bad, m'kay.

126 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
2
59 VOTES
Mud Monkey
Mr. Mackey: How would you feel, if someone came into your home, m'kay? And pulled down their pants and laid a big mud monkey right on your mom's face?

59 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
3
44 VOTES
Chocolate Hot Dog
Mr. Mackey: You think it's real funny. To just walk up to a perfectly clean urinal and drop a chocolate hot dog.

44 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
4
59 VOTES
Don't
Mr. Mackey: Don't be such a p*ssy, m'kay.

59 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
5
46 VOTES
Getting Gay With Kids
Mr. Mackey: Young man, Getting Gay With Kids is not dumb, m’kay.

46 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
6
50 VOTES
Friends
Mr. Mackey: But you know, if you have completely lost your sense of humor, you can always become a writer for the show, Friends.

50 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
7
49 VOTES
Good Point
Mr. Mackey: Uh, marijuana's bad.

Street Guy: What?

Mr. Mackey: Marijuana makes you feel depressed and low.

Street Guy: And you don't feel that way now?

Mr. Mackey: Hmm, good point.

49 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
8
32 VOTES
Sure I Have!
Stan: Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?

Mr. Mackey: Well, sure I have! It's just I was about 19 at the time, so it's been about 21 years, m'kay. Let's see, uh, I'm pretty sure I took the... Yeah I took the penis, and I but what the hell did I do with that damned thing?

32 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
9
48 VOTES
Dead Fetus
Mr. Mackey: For a woman with a dead fetus on her head, you aren't being very open-minded.

48 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
10
30 VOTES
Sexual Abuse
Mr. Mackey: Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask. Is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?

Mr. Garrison: Some, yes. There was my Uncle Richard. He molested me.

Mr. Mackey: When was that?

Mr. Garrison: Saturday. Last Saturday.

30 votes

Photo: Comedy Central
11
32 VOTES
Throw That Away
Mr. Mackey: If you throw that away, I will r*pe you in the mouth!

32 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
12
26 VOTES
I Don't Think You Can
Mr. Garrison: Hello?

Mr. Mackey: Hello, is Mr. Hat there?

Mr. Garrison: Is this some kind of joke?!

Mr. Mackey: Yes.

Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! I'm gonna find out who you are!

Mr. Mackey: No, I don't think you can... M'kay?

26 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
13
17 VOTES
Jelly School
Mr. Mackey: Hello, is this the jelly school? I've got someone who is totally jell.

17 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
14
24 VOTES
Chinese Chicken Salad
Mr. Mackey: Right now, you're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad, m'kay. I mean, you're one screwed up little kid, do you understand?

24 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
15
21 VOTES
Bane
Mr. Mackey: What are we supposed to do? I mean, if Bane is out there on the loose, then none of us are safe. And one Bane's bad enough, but apparently we've got like, like seven Banes, m'kay?

21 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
16
21 VOTES
Did You Just Flip Me Off?
Mr. Mackey: Did you just flip me off?

Craig: No!

Mr. Mackey: Yes you did, you just flipped me the bird.

21 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
17
21 VOTES
Tooth Decay
Mr. Mackey: Getting rid of tooth decay is what I'm trying to f*cking do!

21 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
18
30 VOTES
Romance Novels
Mr. Mackey: After being dismissed from teaching, he went off to write romance novels. His first novel sold very well and everything was fine until he found out his novel won the Gay Pulitzer Prize and was considered the best homo-erotic novel since Huckleberry Finn.

30 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
19
13 VOTES
Expulsion Of Gas
Mr. Mackey: Queef is the expulsion of gas from vagina. M'kay?

13 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
20
16 VOTES
Spontaneously Combust
Mr. Mackey: Have you boys been sure to pass gas so that you don't spontaneously combust?

16 votes

Photo: Comedy Central
21
17 VOTES
Tomfooleries
Mr. Mackey: Young man, school is a time for learning, not for your immature skylarkings.

Stan: Skylarkings?

Mr. Mackey: You know, tomfooleries.

17 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
22
14 VOTES
Everybody
Mr. Mackey: Everybody get the f*ck down!

14 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
23
16 VOTES
Switched Personalities
Mr. Mackey: M'kay. Mr. Garrison you're just having a hard time dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse, so you switched personalities to Mr. Hat. M'kay.

Mr. Garrison: Oh good one Sherlock. Did you figure that one out all by yourself?

16 votes
Photo: Comedy Central
24
11 VOTES
Don't Lose Your Son
Mr. Mackey: Don't lose your son over this, m'kay. Don't lose your son, m'kay.

11 votes