First Christmas etiquette for new couples

So the stars shone on you this year and you found your Prince Charming. And even though it’s only been a few months, you are almost certain he is The One.

Everything is going well – you spend lots of time together, you enjoy each other and you barely fight.

And now the holidays are here. Christmas is the time to celebrate with family and loved ones, and to buy everyone thoughtful gifts. It is also the time for you to make some decisions regarding your new man.

Where are you spending Christmas? Should you spend it with each other or apart? Should you buy him a gift and if so, how much should you spend on it? Would it even be appropriate to buy him a gift or invite him over to the family do?

THE GIFT DILEMMA

At a glance, these decisions might not seem like something to get stressed over. Making them without giving much thought however can result in feelings of awkwardness, embarrassment or even friction, like 29-year-old Muni found out last Christmas.

Head over heels for her new love, she didn’t think twice before splurging on a designer watch for his Christmas gift. He, on the other hand, simply took her out for a low-cost dinner a day after receiving the gift.

“It was very awkward. I ended up feeling like I was bribing him or pressuring him to be with me. I do not think that I will buy anything this year,” she says.

The problem with Muni appears to be the fact that she was and is still tiptoeing around the issue. If she had sat her man down and discussed her expectations, it would have saved her the disappointment and both of them the awkwardness.

BIGGER QUESTION

How should one go about Christmas gift giving? “It should be thoughtful, not necessarily expensive,” Frank, a 31-year-old photographer, shares the criteria he used to buy his new love a gift last Christmas. He settled for an experience instead of an item.

She was happy and at the same time their relationship benefitted from the experience. “I knew she had always wanted to go ice skating. On Christmas Eve, I took her to a rink on Mombasa Road. She was very excited,” he recalls.

Then there is the even bigger question: where do you spend Christmas? For a new relationship, this decision is a defining moment. It is a relationship milestone of sorts. What should you consider before making this decision?

“You should only choose each other over family on Christmas if a relationship is serious. Only if you are beyond the point of trying to see if you like each other,” advises Ezekiel Kobia, a Nairobi-based relationship and marriage counsellor.

Deciding to spend Christmas with each other’s family on the other hand, should be dependent on whether or not there are existing family tensions.

These ones, he cautions, can wear out a new romance fast. Most such celebrations will include alcohol, meaning some members of the family will not be on their best behaviour. Julius Kagai, a 28-year-old project manager with an NGO, knows this about his family and this Christmas, he his girlfriend of five months will spend Christmas apart.

“I plan to do something with her before Christmas or after Christmas around New Year. On Christmas day, I will be going home alone. She can’t meet the family yet,” he says.

Should you decide to invite your new love to spend Christmas with your family, it is up to you to make sure that the day goes as smoothly as possible. Talk to him beforehand about the little family things, any family quirks or annoying family members he is bound to meet. It will also be a good idea for both of you to go easy on the alcohol on D-day.

Those who are lucky to have both families in the same geographical location can split up time on Christmas to spend time with both families. “We both grew up within five kilometres of each other. It’s just been seven months, but both families know of our relationship. We have agreed to have lunch at one home and dinner at the other,” Garrison Munyi, 32, shares his Christmas plans with his new love.

If it is geographically possible, there is also the option of spending Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other. How well either of these decisions work for a relationship all seems to be dependent on how well a couple communicates their needs and expectations of the season beforehand.

SINGLE AT CHRISTMAS? HERE’S HOW TO CELEBRATE

The festive season may find you single. This doesn’t mean that you do not get to celebrate. Here are suggestions on how to make the best of Christmas alone;

Focus on your family – If you are single at Christmas, it becomes a great time to catch up with family and enjoy each other’s company without distractions.

Mingle with other singles – You can take this chance to mingle with other people who share your relationship status. This way, you get to enjoy Christmas without feeling as if you are incomplete.

Indulge yourself – Just because there is no one in your life to buy gifts for doesn’t mean you don’t spend. Spoil yourself this Christmas.

Be a ‘yes’ woman – If you are single at Christmas, many invitations from family and friends are bound to come your way. Say yes to as many as you can.

Start planning for the New Year – If you are single at Christmas, then you have all the time in the world to think of those resolutions that will make you a better person in the coming year.