Teens in foster care: How can you help?

The sad truth about kids in foster care is that many of them never quite find a “forever home” where they can live until they are capable adults. Older teens in foster care have the added worry that when they turn 18, the foster system is no longer a safety net for them.

Foster families step in and care for the needs of children who are unable to live with their biological parents for various reasons. Some children are adopted through the foster care program (after their parents’ rights have been terminated) and begin a new chapter of their life with a new family. Unfortunately, many children move through a maze of foster homes, residential treatment centers and kinship placements until they eventually turn 18 and age out of the foster care system.

How many older teens are truly capable of handling adult life on their own, let alone a teen without the support of a network of family and community?

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Adam Robe, MSW is the CEO of Foster Care Alumni of America, an organization that provides support services to people who have been in the foster care system. “There are a number of challenges that young people face as they prepare to leave the foster care system,” Robe says. “First and foremost, is the emotional transition that they face. Many of these young people have been in foster care for a number of years, and they may not have been able to fully resolve the grief, loss and trauma that occurred prior to coming into foster care and/or what occurred while they were in foster care,” he shares. They may not have the maturity yet to handle the responsibilities of self-supporting life.

For young adults trying to make it on their own, this emotional transition affects all aspects of their lives. They may have difficulty building meaningful relationships and trusting people, and may have little to no experience in caring for their physical health. “I have heard from a number of alumni who stated that they took medication for so long while in foster care that they either forgot the purpose of it, or it was never explained to them in a way that made sense to them,” says Robe. “Once they left care, they often would quit taking their medication because they didn’t know how to get it refilled or because they decided on their own that they didn’t need it,” he adds.

Marianna S. Klebanov is an attorney who works with Family & Children Services, an organization that also provides support to young people transitioning out of foster care with a program called the Independent Living Program.

“We provide case management, career counseling and mental health counseling services to help the youth get on their feet,” she shares. “Our services support them in developing self-reliance, both mentally and economically.” They assist these young people in finding employment, securing housing and caring for their health. “We encourage them to further their education and a number of them do attend college. It’s very important for youth this age to feel that they have something to fall back on, just as youth do who have not been removed from parental care,” she adds.

Robe’s organization also provides opportunities for foster care alumni to connect with others who have been in their shoes, and they serve as an informal mentor. “Because they have faced and overcome many of the challenges they will face, older alumni can provide insight and direction to the young person,” Robe says. “We also provide an ‘extended family’ environment for young people who leave care,” he adds. Especially around the holidays, the absence of a true family can be very difficult for transitioning youth.

Rhonda Sciortino spent years in the child welfare system — and understands how these transitioning youth feel. “Although I was in the child welfare system from the time I was 6 months old until I emancipated at 16, it had been many years since I had seen my foster family,” she remembers. “I was actually with that wonderful foster family for a very brief time. The rest of the time I had been placed with my very abusive maternal grandparents,” she says. She remembers when the social worker would come around and life would appear good, leading the social worker to assume she was fine — for another six months. “Until one day when I had two black eyes. Previous bruises had been explained away, but it’s tough to create a believable story that results in two accidental black eyes,” she recalls.

“The social worker took me to ‘stay with’ a couple whose only child had been killed in a car accident. I don’t remember their names or what town I was in, but I remember that those two people were so kind to me,” she says. “In their home, I felt truly safe for the very first time. I saw sheets and pillow cases that were clean and that matched. I had plenty to eat. That foster family planted seeds within me that I have never forgotten,” she says. She saw for the first time in her life people who didn’t scream, insult and hit each other. “I learned that there are people who don’t drink themselves to sleep at night or put cigarettes out into the arms and legs of the children with[in] their reach,” she adds.

She remembers the point in time when she was truly on her own, with no resources. “Transition into life on my own would have been infinitely easier if I’d had mentors who helped me learn how to properly conduct myself,” she admits.

“I had a very rough exterior that I had developed in order to survive the very dangerous neighborhood in which I grew up. As you can imagine, the survival skills I learned on the street didn’t translate to proper office conduct.” She says she picked up on cues to appropriate behavior by watching her co-workers, supervisors and friends. “But intentional mentoring could have significantly sped up my growth and probably could have saved me an ocean of tears,” she adds.

Sciortino now serves as a spokesperson for Foster Care Alumni of America. She has the opportunity to speak to foster parents, court appointed special advocates and child advocates all over the U.S. thanking them and letting them know the power of the seeds they plant. She also works with the Successful Survivors Foundation.

“To teach kids that they are not an accident, Successful Survivors Foundation has partnered with Saddleback Church to create the You Are Not An Accident program, which connects churches, child welfare people, and transition-aged foster kids to successfully transition into their own, independent, self-reliant lives. We’re piloting the program now, and when we raise funds to create all the materials, we’ll be providing the entire program free of charge,” she shares.

She also started her own company, helping secure affordable insurance policies for child welfare organizations all over the U.S., saving them millions of dollars. She is the author of From Foster Care to Millionaire, and recently went live with an online course that is free to anyone who was ever in foster care, called Succeed Because of What You’ve Been Through.

Some states have passed laws to make extended services available to youth who are transitioning out of the foster care system, but there are still many in need. Interested in helping? Consider becoming a mentor through a local foster care organization, or offer to teach youth basic job skills. Anything you do to help a foster child transition into life on their own impacts not only their life — but the lives that they touch.

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