debrief08:
Show where I bullied her please?
Secondly lol @ defensive. I had explained my reasons for leaving severally still a few people still insist there must be more, some came back and ask specifics, I answered, still there must be something, even you used the word "slow" and suggested I was guilty of being too "nice" (forgive me if that wasnt you, it is a long thread), any way, I ignore what i feel doesnt apply and respond sometimes to specifics, you ask a question or you say something wrong about me I respond and it has become defensive. lol
Bare in mind I am only responsible for how I behave and not how others behave or respond.

(Screaming) no be me o, no be me o. I always try to avoid being the judge of people decisions and actions as long as you were well informed before taking them. I can give my opinions (even if atimes it is contrary) but to call you slow and guilty of being too nice - definitely not my style

debrief08:
Lol abeg oh, [b]I dont exert any influence, [/b]I am responsible for my words alone. Abeg try not to credit me with actions or words that are not mine.
My own here na to answer questions people ask, I no dey influence any one or any trend, If I make some sense to people toh it means I get small brain, but that should be seen as control or influence

You'r jokin right ? I thought you were a professional counselor or something actually ? Really, that's exactly the reason why your responses should be filled with moderation. people take things in so many different ways based on our different personalities and background.

Efemena_xy:

Apply that analogy to the men too, if not moreso.

How many pot bellied Naija guys do we have in Nigerian restaurants (here in London) sweating it out over a bowl of goat leg pepper soup? You see them ferociously attacking a bowl of pounded yam with their right hand, hanky in left hand mopping up beads of sweat from their faces while they try to loosen their belts.

You gonna tell me that such men don't suffer from gluttony too? Abeg source another form of argument here coogar!

LMAO!! I think u're on a mission to give me packs

My prayer is that Sagamite and MBJ do not come across this thread. Please let it remain so

jennykadry: My prayer is that Sagamite and MBJ do not come across this thread. Please let it remain so

Coogar already sent them PMs to come show their talents.

ileobatojo:
Wow, so now, you are claiming that faithful Christians can never be victims of abuse? So she must have been an unfaithful Christian so God allowed her to be abused? Really? Really? This is the kind of bs Christianity that I now avoid like a plague. Men and women of God the world over who have had bad things happen to them must have been unfaithful right? Pastor Bimbo who died of plane crash, Ilupetaife who was killed by robbers (I think). Multiple men and women of God who have died of cancer and other illnesses must have been unfaithful? Really?

In as much as I am all but done on this thread, I'll respond to this point as it touches on faith/belief and I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

First of all though, even if I take it at face value that you innocently - as opposed to wilfully - misunderstood me, may I suggest that in future you ask for clarification where something looks odd, rather than run the risk of mis-ascribing something or running with an erroneous notion. It's both polite and sensible.

I'll illustrate to remove any risk of your innocently, ignorantly, willfully or criminally misunderstanding me this time.

As a Christian man about wanting to "wife", I prepared myself, went to God and entreated Him. I embarked on my search and kept going back to Source. I met enough girls too write a book on . One by one and without too much fuss they were crossed through on my spreadsheet . For the most point this was by using my understanding (all based on biblical principles) and God given discernemnt. Was that necessarily enough? No, I still had instances where I needed God to lead me away from danger -sometimes I only realised after the fact. I am now blissfully married. No gainsaying.

My point being you can't ask God for an egg and he give you a stone? Does it mean God abandons those who call upon Him? No, but if for whatever reason they fail to hear, understand or obey, and find themselves in "situations", God will work through it with them. In truth, I actually believe that God will continue to nudge the faithful in the right direction/way till they get it. It should only go wrong if they willfully - as opposed to ignorantly - disobey.

Geddit? I hope the real-life illustration and pictures helped.

If Debrief or any other person would like to come up in here and say they approached God as I outlined and he delivered then to an axe-wielding, demon-possesses maniac, I'd be interested to hear it.

Best
TV

coogar:

no, if wasn't - i only pointed out how biased your comments were.....

Yes it was. Here's the premise of your post and one of the very first things you said.

even in your definition of abuse, it is the man that is vilified and the woman is the saint which is far from the truth.......

Now if you can show me where it said in that definition that the woman was a saint, I will withdraw my claim. But don't bother, you won't find any such thing in that definition. If your post was not an ad hominem, I don't know what is.

a lot of people come here to read some of the comments and it's imperative we point it out that women can be as abusive(if not more than men).....a woman who verbally abuses her partner to the point of the partner assaulting her physically is as guilty as the husband. there should be mutual respect between the two parties!

Many people have pointed out that woman can be abusive including myself. There should be mutual respect between two parties. Where have I disputed that?

cotton101 and debrief had nigerian husbands, no? all the responses from every poster on this thread were geared towards the actions of those 2 men.....so what are you talking about? which of the women here married a white guy?

Here's what I said

So if someone comes with an abusive white husband, will we ignore her because her husband is not Nigerian and we are only interested in bashing Nigerian men?

You don't really want me to go into the role of the word if in sentence construction do you?

freecocoa:
Kai coogar, if didn't know you any better here I'd have started vexing, my dear its not always like that o.
You think well educated guys can't abuse a woman? How is a girl supposed to know automatically that the guy she said yes to will behave that way few months into the relationship if he didn't show any signs before? What if the beating as a result of the sms is the first sign of abuse\abuse itself?
No one sees inside another's mind, so don't expect me to know at first glance that the handsome, intelligent and rich dude is a potential or full blown abuser.

this matter is simple then....

since women cannot discern between gentlemen and sadistic tools, i suggest women should only date/marry the men they can physically overpower.....
better still, join karate, taekwondo or boxing classes for self- defence.

ileobatojo:
Yes it was. Here's the premise of your post and one of the very first things you said. Now if you can show me where it said in that definition that the woman was a saint, I will withdraw my claim. But don't bother, you won't find any such thing in that definition. If your post was not an ad hominem, I don't know what is.

hahahahaha - you are such a troublesome fellow!
look at the definition and the pronoun used to qualify the abuser....do you get it now? now if the copy n paste says the abuser is male, who would the saint be in this case if not the opposite sex? ileobatojo, i need you to be at your sharpest when sparring with me!

Many people have pointed out that woman can be abusive including myself. There should be mutual respect between two parties. Where have I disputed that?

i disagree - you don't stress it enough!
as much as i think johndoe and richkvnt are clowns on this section, you women gave them the opportunity to say some of the things like cabal n stuff. the general perception here most times is that men are evil and women are disadvantaged - which is far from the truth! your comments would hit the bull's eye if you can be more balanced.....

Here's what I said You don't really want me to go into the role of the word if in sentence construction do you?

if is hypothetical........none of the complainants here married white men so don't even cite such examples - if my aunty had tësticles, she would be my uncle!

coogar:

this matter is simple then....

since women cannot discern between gentlemen and sadistic tools, i suggest women should only date/marry the men they can physically overpower.....
better still, join karate, taekwondo or boxing classes for self- defence.

Already taking taekwondo classes .
On a more serious note though coogar, let's be frank here, I'm not really saying that in all abusive relationships there were no signs, I'm saying in some, there weren't signs till it started happening, now you can't tell me the latter is impossible.

jennykadry: My prayer is that Sagamite and MBJ do not come across this thread. Please let it remain so

you wan kill us? abeg which kain bad mouth be this?

Lots of claims and counter claims here.

One thing i just understand as a guy is that We are sometimes too aggressive..

Let any Nigerian guy come out and confront me that he and his friends have never discussed about disciplining their ladies...


That's where it starts from.. It's popular knowledge in the society that ladies ain't easy to tame so they think you have to use

force or aggressiveness to get them to fall in line.

I was shocked at a friend shouting and calling his girl all sort of names just because she forgot the sim pack

he wanted to use for his welcome back request at home...Can you imagine someone been worked up on sch trivial issues??

I can imagine what he had do if they were married....

But most ladies dont watch all these signs....they believe trying to avoid offending him is the ultimate solution

instead of getting him therapy or moving on...Any form of abuse should be spoken against.

I have 5 lovely sisters and i am waiting for the day one punk ass nigga would hit any of them..

but Thank God my sisters are all married to responsible people who value them. EOD!!!

mdsocks: Lots of claims and counter claims here.
One thing i just understand as a guy is that We are sometimes too aggressive..

speak for yourself....

Let any Nigerian guy come out and confront me that he and his friends have never discussed about disciplining their ladies...

having a measure of control does not connote physical abuse......

That's where it starts from.. It's popular knowledge in the society that ladies ain't easy to tame so they think you have to use

force or aggressiveness to get them to fall in line.

I was shocked at a friend shouting and calling his girl all sort of names just because she forgot the sim pack

he wanted to use for his welcome back request at home...Can you imagine someone been worked up on sch trivial issues??

I can imagine what he had do if they were married....

But most ladies dont watch all these signs....they believe trying to avoid offending him is the ultimate solution

instead of getting him therapy or moving on...Any form of abuse should be spoken against.


I have 5 lovely sisters and i am waiting for the day one punk ass nigga would hit any of them..

but Thank God my sisters are all married to responsible people who value them. EOD!!!

then your duty as their sibling is to advise them to respect their husbands the way they would want to be treated. if they fall out of line, someone out there would hurt them and beat you join.....who you be?

TV01:

In as much as I am all but done on this thread, I'll respond to this point as it touches on faith/belief and I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression.

First of all though, even if I take it at face value that you innocently - as opposed to wilfully - misunderstood me, may I suggest that in future you ask for clarification where something looks odd, rather than run the risk of mis-ascribing something or running with an erroneous notion. It's both polite and sensible.

I'll illustrate to remove any risk of your innocently, ignorantly, willfully or criminally misunderstanding me this time.

As a Christian man about wanting to "wife", I prepared myself, went to God and entreated Him. I embarked on my search and kept going back to Source. I met enough girls too write a book on . One by one and without too much fuss they were crossed through on my spreadsheet . For the most point this was by using my understanding (all based on biblical principles) and God given discernemnt. Was that necessarily enough? No, I still had instances where I needed God to lead me away from danger -sometimes I only realised after the fact. I am now blissfully married. No gainsaying.

My point being you can't ask God for an egg and he give you a stone? Does it mean God abandons those who call upon Him? No, but if for whatever reason they fail to hear, understand or obey, and find themselves in "situations", God will work through it with them. In truth, I actually believe that God will continue to nudge the faithful in the right direction/way till they get it. It should only go wrong if they willfully - as opposed to ignorantly - disobey.

Geddit? I hope the real-life illustration and pictures helped.

If Debrief or any other person would like to come up in here and say they approached God as I outlined and he delivered then to an axe-wielding, demon-possesses maniac, I'd be interested to hear it.

Best
TV

Me sha, I have said already that i am a miserable sinner deserving of punishment and desertion from God, no need for long story. I am a miserable sinner, and God punished me, shey e don do now or need I confess more? I am not holy and faithful like some people, Bad things happen to bad unfaithful people like us, you are so right. Thank God for giving us very wise ones like you to show us miserable sinners the way.

TV01:


My point being you can't ask God for an egg and he give you a stone? Does it mean God abandons those who call upon Him? No, but if for whatever reason they fail to hear, understand or obey, and find themselves in "situations", God will work through it with them. In truth, I actually believe that God will continue to nudge the faithful in the right direction/way till they get it. It should only go wrong if they willfully - as opposed to ignorantly - disobey.

TV

Oh okay. So once God has chosen a partner for you, that partner immediately becomes an infallible human? And for those who already married a partner that God did not choose, if abused, stay there till God works it through with you whether it be here or in the afterlife? Okay, thanks. I got it now. Appreciate the clarification.

Coogar wetin dey vex you this evening abeg?

In my opinion, the reason most people have a hard time to with this abuse issue and automatically switch to the default “You must have done something” way of thinking is because of what seems to be the “suddenness” of the behavior.

How does a sane man go from kissing to burning, from loving to hate in 30 seconds or less? Nah, something must have happened for this sudden change but if you look back at our childhood, you will see that there were instances where this flip flop of feelings and behavior manifested.

Remember that kid in primary school whose friendship with you depended on what mood they were in? You would be best of friends on Monday, come to school on Tuesday and they totally ignore you like a plague and for the life of you, you can’t think of anything you did wrong. You spend the entire Tuesday trying to figure it out, waiting on them to give you a hint….any hint of what you did and how you can make it right. Just when you resigned yourself that the friendship is done, there is another switcheroo.

Wednesday comes and you come to school with slight trepidation, Tuesday was such an awful day without your friend and you dread a repeat of it. So it is with feeling of trepidation you enter the classroom and who is there giving you the biggest smile and welcoming you with open arms? You friend!!! You are not sure if this is a trick so you are a bit hesitant to rush into to but they go out of their way to convince you it is for real. Oh what happened yesterday? Forget about it! That was just them in bad mood and it had nothing to do with you.

You don’t want to ask the logical “why the hell did you take it out on me then" question, not wanting to rock the boat so you keep quiet (Tuesday was really, really, really awful). You spend the entire Wednesday sorta walking on eggshells, not wanting to do or say the wrong thing. . . .even though you know Tuesday’s Tension was not your fault but since you suffered for it, you try to compensate for it. You are nicer, sweeter, mellower and more agreeable.

And this is where it starts, some people learn to not to rock the boat, while others learn how much power they wield using other people’s feelings them. In time, some people outgrew this, the former develops a thicker skin and say eff it with these kinds of people. Some people in the latter may go on to learn other ways to channel their anger appropriately as opposed to lashing out at the people closest to them. . .many of us fall into those two categories.

What triggers these changes in us? Well it is hard to list them all because of the complexities of life itself. Like many have touched on, our childhood experiences play a big role in how we turn out, our home life, the way we were brought up, what we see every day etc.

Say for instance if someone in the “Feeling withholding” group grew up in an environment where he/she is constantly belittled, he/she gets to school and realizes he/she can be a “on top” by belittling others, by withhold his/her feelings and watching people jump through hoops to be in their good grace, it is gonna be hard for that kind of person to let that power go.

As they get older, the manifestation of that power gets grander (for lack of a better word), ignoring alone does not give them that sense of being the controller anymore, they are gonna have to see how much higher they can go. So enter the little berating, the small insults here and there, then a shove there, a slap there. . .and if after every one of these acts, the person on the receiving end responds “Positively” they know how far they can go.

Please keep in mind all of these is going on over long time span and it is not just directed at one person, as life happens they meet different people and practice their act, depending on the responses they get they also know what kinds of people to target, they learn how to put a lid on it and when to unleash it. . .they become expert in what they do.

Someone who believes controlling and abusing others is the only way she/he can be complete will definitely find an avenue to do just that. You could be as quiet as a mouse and they will find something wrong with it. You could give them all of your being and they will find something wrong . . . again it is not because there is something wrong; it is because they have to create a situation to be COMPLETE! So please let us stop blaming the victims, whose only offense if we can call it that, is loving the wrong people.

coogar:

no, if wasn't - i only pointed out how biased your comments were.....



next time, improve your copy and paste skills! endeavour it's more balanced. a lot of people come here to read some of the comments and it's imperative we point it out that women can be as abusive(if not more than men).....a woman who verbally abuses her partner to the point of the partner assaulting her physically is as guilty as the husband. there should be mutual respect between the two parties!

So long bro, you trying to teach 'balance' to peeps who have indicated they r patently opposed to it ?
what's the point of balance if it will end up making us think like Psychotics, p.edophile, ra.pist and serial killers - to paraphrase some earlier post I read

coogar:

hahahahaha - you are such a troublesome fellow!
look at the definition and the pronoun used to qualify the abuser....do you get it now? now if the copy n paste says the abuser is male, who would the saint be in this case if not the opposite sex? ileobatojo, i need you to be at your sharpest when sparring with me!

Lol. Again, an ad hominem at it's best. In fact this is the textbook definition of ad hominem.

Me: An abusive man has a messed up mentality.
You: That means you're saying that the woman must be a saint.
Me: Bwahahaha! You're funny!

freecocoa: Coogar wetin dey vex you this evening abeg?

vexed ke? i am not vexed but this section is gradually becoming a feminist section! when men complain women did this n that - the general response is: where do you guys meet such women? however, reverse the roles and the general response is different - the men don't win.....never win!

ileobatojo:
Lol. Again, an ad hominem at it's best. In fact this is the textbook definition of ad hominem.

Me: An abusive man has a messed up mentality.
You: That means you're saying that the woman must be a saint.
Me: Bwahahaha! You're funny!

but this isn't the case.....
in your definition of an abuser, the abuser was qualified as a man while the victim was a woman - and that is quite misleading! there's no ad hominem here---ileobatojo, stop scraping the barrels abeg

mdsocks: Lots of claims and counter claims here.

One thing i just understand as a guy is that We are sometimes too aggressive..

Let any Nigerian guy come out and confront me that he and his friends have never discussed about disciplining their ladies...


That's where it starts from.. It's popular knowledge in the society that ladies ain't easy to tame so they think you have to use

force or aggressiveness to get them to fall in line.

I was shocked at a friend shouting and calling his girl all sort of names just because she forgot the sim pack

he wanted to use for his welcome back request at home...Can you imagine someone been worked up on sch trivial issues??

I can imagine what he had do if they were married....

But most ladies dont watch all these signs....they believe trying to avoid offending him is the ultimate solution

instead of getting him therapy or moving on...Any form of abuse should be spoken against.

I have 5 lovely sisters and i am waiting for the day one punk ass nigga would hit any of them..

but Thank God my sisters are all married to responsible people who value them. EOD!!!

I agree. Me and my brothers have these conversations once in a while and they know they have no family support in these issues. I remember telling them that heaven will fall if they maltreat their wives. My sister and I will personally come and help the wife scatter the house. . They sit with their good for nothing friends, who have no traceable peaceful upbringing to conclude that their wives do not deserve any outword show of love or affection. They know this mentality is sick and faulty because they did not grow up seeing this so they talk about it. No one, I mean no friend could talk to my dad on how to beat his wife or how to abuse his family. The guy was even too busy hustling to have time for joints or women. He was focused on giving his family the best life, and the guy tried before he sadly passed too young to enjoy the fruits of his labor. His wife is swimming in it though. I believe she is such a lucky woman.lol. I have friends whose friends can't even keep a girlfriend but are expert advisers of their married friends on how to cheat, and how best to beat their wives. The bros before ho*es crap even continues into marriage. How stu*pid and ridiculous right? It is really good to look for a man that has a mind of his own and is not afraid to face a mob to protect his family. Is not afraid to not follow the crowd or expectations. A man that takes responsibility for his actions and doesn't blame his fu*ckups on ghosts or phantoms. A man that has a goal for his family and understands that this life is a passing phase and only temporary. But their actions in that time can either build or destroy generations to come.That is a MAN

coogar:

speak for yourself....



having a measure of control does not connote physical abuse......



then your duty as their sibling is to advise them to respect their husbands the way they would want to be treated. if they fall out of line, someone out there would hurt them and beat you join.....who you be?

Discipline i meant there was 'physical'..gorrit??

Just get me your details so i know how to advice them on avoiding peeps with your mentality instead...

Who i be??


Aint Hulk...but you know what you will get when you cross the line..

coogar:

but this isn't the case.....
in your definition of an abuser, the abuser was qualified as a man while the victim was a woman - and that is quite misleading! there's no ad hominem here---ileobatojo, stop scraping the barrels abeg

Lol. Now you resort to a different ad hominem attack to defend your post. Here's the new one.

Me: An abusive man has a messed up mentality.
You: How dare you say only men are abusive.
Me: Scratches head.

mdsocks:
Discipline i meant there was 'physical'..gorrit??
Just get me your details so i know how to advice them on avoiding peeps with your mentality instead...

i thought you said they are already married - why would you need my details?

Who i be??
Aint Hulk...but you know what you will get when you cross the line..

makes me laugh when men with mosquito muscles come online to feel like incredible hulk. you would be beaten, bruised, locked up with the keys thrown into the lagoon and nothing would happen!

ileobatojo:

Lol. Now you resort to a different ad hominem attack to defend your post. Here's the new one.

Me: An abusive men has a messed up mentality.
You: How dare you say only men are abusive.
Me: Scratches head.

stop moving the post....
you were not defining abusive men - you defined the word "abuser"!
go to the dictionary and see how words like murderer, thief, serial killer, etc are defined. there's no gender-bias in the definition. the "subject" is always "someone" or "a person" not "he/she" like your copy n paste job!

coogar:

vexed ke? i am not vexed but this section is gradually becoming a feminist section! when men complain women did this n that - the general response is: where do you guys meet such women? however, reverse the roles and the general response is different - the men don't win.....never win!

I don't think that's the case really especially with this thread, we are all against all forms of abuse from both gender, its not anyone's fault that the male folk are usually more physically aggressive.
Btw nature has made it that we always get the upper hand somehow, don't blame us, na baba God do am so .

freecocoa: I don't think that's the case really especially with this thread, we are all against all forms of abuse from both gender, its not anyone's fault that the male folk are usually more physically aggressive.
Btw nature has made it that we always get the upper hand somehow, don't blame us, na baba God do am so .

the gender complaining they have been abused still gets the upper-hand? i am kind of confused!

Coogar.

You're derailing this thread. Don't be the proverbial cat let loose among the pigeons. This thread is for victims of abuse to share their experiences, and not about your crusade to champion the cause of "victimized" men.

If you've got a story to share with us, then by all means do so. Else carry your fight elsewhere jor.

I am not sure I understand why some see this thread as the vilification of Nigerian men?!

We are talking about men who abuse their wives, that they happen to be Nigerians is just an aside. Again the ABUSIVE part of these men is what is being vilified not their Nigerianess or are we indirectly admitting all Nigerian men are abusive, so talking about a few automatically means talking about the whole?

Well if that is what some believe. . .that all Nigerian men are abusive, so talking about some is an indictment on all then it is those people who should be called to order because they are obviously WRONG. There are many, many, many Nigerian men out there who are not beastly to their wives. There are many, many, many men who find these beastly men appalling. Many of the women here on NL are married to such men, many, many, maaaaaaany of the men here on NL are those men.

So thinking this thread is about ALL Nigerian men is a complete insult to these men who would never hurt a female fly let alone their wives and honestly, I think an apology should be tendered by those who have lumped them up with these beasts being discussed.

Efemena_xy: Coogar.

You're derailing this thread. Don't be the proverbial cat let loose among the pigeons. This thread is for victims of abuse to share their experiences, and not about your crusade to champion the cause of "victimized" men.

If you've got a story to share with us, then by all means do so. Else carry your fight elsewhere jor.

and i am saying the tales have been overcooked to vilify men folk! even if it's a thread for victims of marital abuse, we should then swallow the tales by moonlight line, hook and sinker? how can solutions be proffered if the victims don't accept their own faults and put all the blame squarely on their partners? na wa for una o - i am out of here then.......

Sisi_Kill: I am not sure I understand why some see this thread as the vilification of Nigerian men?!

We are talking about men who abuse their wives, that they happen to be Nigerians is just an aside. Again the ABUSIVE part of these men is what is being vilified not their Nigerianess or are we indirectly admitting all Nigerian men are abusive, so talking about a few automatically means talking about the whole?

Well if that is what some believe. . .that all Nigerian men are abusive, so talking about some is an indictment on all then it is those people who should be called to order because they are obviously WRONG. There are many, many, many Nigerian men out there who are not beastly to their wives. There are many, many, many men who find these beastly men appalling. Many of the women here on NL are married to such men, many, many, maaaaaaany of the men here on NL are those men.


So thinking this thread is about ALL Nigerian men is a complete insult to these men who would never hurt a female fly let alone their wives and honestly, I think an apology should be tendered by those who have lumped them up with these beasts being discussed.

the logic here is a bit distorted!
setting up this thread is an INSULT to the nigerian men who are not beastly to their partners, it's an insult to the nigerian men who find domestic abuse repulsive, etc.....why not put up a general thread where all the victims(male and female)of domestic abuse can come together and address the issue - by doing this, we can hear from the men and the women at the same time and strike the balance!

debrief08:
Me sha, I have said already that i am a miserable sinner deserving of punishment and desertion from God, no need for long story. I am a miserable sinner, and God punished me, shey e don do now or need I confess more? I am not holy and faithful like some people, Bad things happen to bad unfaithful people like us, you are so right. Thank God for giving us very wise ones like you to show us miserable sinners the way.

Debrief, don't dance around it. You've been very forthcoming up until now. Just tell us your position with God and Gods involvement.

Your learned friend below is saying God gave you that first man as a husband. Please confirm.

ileobatojo:
Oh okay. So once God has chosen a partner for you, that partner immediately becomes an infallible human? And for those who already married a partner that God did not choose, if abused, stay there till God works it through with you whether it be here or in the afterlife? Okay, thanks. I got it now. Appreciate the clarification.

Oh, so God would choose a mad or evil spouse for someone and in a real display of divine humour, hide it from you first. Let your learned friend above quit dancing and tell us that her husband was from God. And that not only was he from God, but that he turned bad and God did not see her through, but rather asked her to divorce or simply abandoned her.

I'll leave the two of you to dance your way to a understanding how God works. please let us know when you get there. Try not to blaspheme now .

Abuse - of any form and by anyone - is a real tragedy and concern. Glossing over your testimonies will lose you credibility. Shutting down open, honest discussion will lose you traction.


Best
TV

coogar:

the gender complaining they have been abused still gets the upper-hand? i am kind of confused!

You said the men never win and the phrase about having the upper hand, is supposed to explain why we always win in this section, according to you.

coogar:

stop moving the post....
you were not defining abusive men - you defined the word "abuser"!
go to the dictionary and see how words like murderer, thief, serial killer, etc are defined. there's no gender-bias in the definition. the "subject" is always "someone" or "a person" not "he/she" like your copy n paste job!

Ok, I'm going to leave you with this example from a website about stages in pregnancy.

Your pregnancy: 28 weeks

How your baby's growing:
By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.
See what your baby looks like this week.

So by your reasoning, all people who visit this website for education are either having girls or will have girls at the time of delivery. Or, those who are having boys should totally disregard this information right?

Efemena_xy: Coogar.

You're derailing this thread. Don't be the proverbial cat let loose among the pigeons. This thread is for victims of abuse to share their experiences, and not about your crusade to champion the cause of "victimized" men.

If you've got a story to share with us, then by all means do so. Else carry your fight elsewhere jor.

You are right and I apologize for partaking in his little game.

TV01:

Debrief, don't dance around it. You've been very forthcoming up until now. Just tell us your position with God and Gods involvement.

Your learned friend below is saying God gave you that first man as a husband. Please confirm.





Oh, so God would choose a mad or evil spouse for someone and in a real display of divine humour, hide it from you first. Let your learned friend above quit dancing and tell us that her husband was from God. And that not only was he from God, but that he turned bad and God did not see her through, but rather asked her to divorce or simply abandoned her.

I'll leave the two of you to dance your way to a understanding how God works. please let us know when you get there. Try not to blaspheme now .

Abuse - of any form and by anyone - is a real tragedy and concern. Glossing over your testimonies will lose you credibility. Shutting down open, honest discussion will lose you traction.


Best
TV

Dance ke? You wanted a confession I have given you one, I am a sinner, I got the bad man I deserved, Wetin I go talk again. Go adequately punished and forsook me for my many sins and not being a faithful Christian, It explains it all, oh how blind I was. Wetin again? I didnt pray, fast or hear enough and Men https://www.nairaland.com/smileys/grin.gifGod showed me na, finally a confession, praissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the Lord.
Leave two of us ke? No, why na when we have a righteous faithful one among us, no, you have opened my eyes to what I have been too blind to see, thank you. Sinner like me, I was already unfaithful to God, also divorced another sin, so blasphemy now again, haba as a professional sinner like me e no suppose fear me na

Wait o, are my eyes failing me?
Am I reading that anyone who was abused is as a result of not seeking God before the union or what? Someone help me please.